What does it mean to walk closely with the Holy Spirit. What does it look like when we are ‘in step’ with our great comforter, lover and teacher. Is it manifested through incredible gifts of prophecy, miracles, healing or through visions, dreams and revelations? Possibly. But these are gifts, apportioned by the Spirit as he choses. They are not earned or gained by ‘righteous’ acts like some great slot machine in the sky handing out goodies when we pull the right leavers. It is undoubtedly a walk of love, grace and humility. But I want to pick out one element that I have felt keenly recently. That is the burden of sin and the sinful nature.
When we draw near to the Holy Spirit, He acts as a light, highlighting the staining tar on what we had previously thought to be our clean inner shores. Not only this, but as awareness increases, so does our burden and grievance at the sin we find ourselves entangled in. It is this that causes Paul to cry out in Romans 7
What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?
It is the same sentiment that John Newton expresses in his hymn.
I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek, more earnestly, His face.
’Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer!
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair.
I hoped that in some favored hour,
At once He’d answer my request;
And by His love’s constraining pow’r,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.
Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry pow’rs of hell
Assault my soul in every part.
Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.
Lord, why is this, I trembling cried,
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
“’Tis in this way, the Lord replied,
I answer prayer for grace and faith.
These inward trials I employ,
From self, and pride, to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may’st find thy all in Me.”
It is as if we groan and yearn for the grave clothes of sin to be shredded from our bones, because when we come close to the beautiful Spirit we realise afresh we are alive. We are alive and no longer to be snatched by the cords of death. But we feel the weight of the last remnants of death clinging like stinking grave clothes to our backs. The final throws of the death of death heavy like entrails on our shoulders. Our own guilt is a twelve ton skip full of last weeks kebabs, heavy and stinking.
But we also have the blessing of feeling keenly the overflowing grace of God into our lives. The intimacy of his love and tender forgiveness. It is here, in the midst of our filthy rags, that the grace of God is most majestic, most full, most sweet in our hearts. Though we are caught in mud, our loving Father lifts our gaze to where we are seated in heavenly places. Where it is finished and the angels line the streets waiting for the bride to come and take her place in the banquet hall. Yes, these inwards trials bear our souls into affliction and grief, and though we cry out for the burden to be lifted, we seem only more afflicted the closer we draw. But, the sweet release of grace that breaks the chains of sin and condemnation brings honey to our lips the like of which we have never before tasted. The revelation of the goodness and mercy of God is all the more complete, and our trust, dependance and faith in his grace and salvation accomplished by his mighty hand wrought with blood and sweat is strengthened and sured up until the day we are stripped of the grave clothes and robed in the glory of the king. In that day we will be the royal diadem in the hand of the king, the sculplted vase, beautiful and without defect, free from the burden of sin.
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